sherry...

I felt a spiritual connection with you. I have felt that for a while. I felt you wanted to peel your skin and show me who you are underneath for sometime but you were hesitant. You had to be sure and I'm glad you were sure before it was too late since you are leaving soon. I'm sad you are leaving but it's what's best for you. Your presence and company will be missed. It won't ever be the same but I'm glad you were around long enough for us to connect, talk openly and now you are one of my few inspirations. I feel special that you looked straight into my eyes and said 'start praying'. I've heard that so many times and it never worked. I wanted to, I tried to but I just couldn't bring myself to but with you, it just took one line and I've prayed two prayers today. I prayed from my heart. I feel better. I hope it works like you say it does. I trust you.

Arts & Colbert

The photo is a picture of the Nomadic Museum in New York City where Colbert's work was exhibited. The picture does not do it any justice because the ambience I experience was absolutely fabulous and emotionally challenging.

I love Art but I don't see eye to eye with art academics (I have friends who are like that and that sometimes bores me, partly because the vocabulary is bigger than me).

I just like to see with my naked eye, feel with every sensation I have, reflect at the back of my mind, hear the voices/sounds in my head, talk to my other self (my subconscious) about it as I see it and feel it but art from a historical point of view, I totally suck at it. Names of artists, I suck at that too (can't store useless piece of information).

I enjoy strange things. I went to a few Art exhibits in the US and one of the many I loved was one by amateur artists in Washington D.C. in December 2004 in the SE of D.C.. It was so deep yet dark and spoke a thousand words. These kids created art with passion and sincerity.

Someone like Monet painted beautifully but it's all romance and monotonous (just a sales strategy - not much passion if you ask me). It lacks depth. I enjoy Dali's work because he was a non-conformist, broke taboos and expressed sexuality in multiple ways but then again I wouldn't necessarily put his paintings up on my walls but to see his stuff, I find it fulfilling. Renaissance Art is my least favorite although the Last Supper by Da Vinci is something else.

As a hobby, I love photography and the best photo exhibit I went to was Colbert's Exhibit Ashes and Snow (www.ashesandsnow.org) it was breath-taking. A close friend of mine and I went there and she just held my arm and said I want to cry, these photos are so deep. I was crying inside from how beautiful it was and the connection I felt to all the photos (I have to give credit to the ambience too, it felt antique like we were part of the pictures, the hall's dim light makes you think and great background music that aids you to feel).

Social make-up

My close friend is the embodiment of justice and liberation. I constantly feel there is a need for enriching friendships and elevated souls. To me, its such a priceless gift to be communicating to another being on the same wavelength (something I find hard to find now a days) because the usual talk is about fashion fads, boys and other shallow topics that don't entertain me much unless I'm taking a mind break and being brain dead.

I sometimes wonder if I'm the alien here and wonder if it's my surroundings that had made me such an introvert. I like quality in anything especially in socializing. I only do one to one very well. When it comes to big social groups, I either need to be intoxicated or find a dark corner to have a deep conversation with a beautiful mind (rarely happens!)..Just wishful thinking.

Adaptation

How did I adjust and re-adapt?

I got home sick quite frequently particularly missing my mother but ironically, I also took pleasure in being away from home. It was a relief from social obligations. Luckily, I had the greatest chance to do a lot of growing up on my own. It's good to learn the hard way sometimes. I somehow felt liberated too; the idea of owning my time was quite overwhelming in a good way because being in the ME, every one owns my time and space. I'm convinced I never have time for myself over here. I love being around my people but I also miss having my own space and time and doing things as I wish and like.

I suppose I strive to re-adapt in the ME for various reasons. It's hard to escape social obligations, respect social protocols, meet society's expectations and to a great extent family's expectations. Even friends here are more demanding! Everyone's reality is different. Of course, with the bad comes the good. There's comfort and security at home that I never found when I was overseas.

As a workingwoman, the US or UK was a lot harder for me; not work but the lifestyle. Coming back to an empty apartment wasn't easy. Eating dinner on my own was actually quite depressing. Nevertheless, the best years of my life were certainly as a student in the US and later in the UK, I had a good fair of ups and downs (ups being good times with friends, downs just missing home and re-exploring myself so fast). It's too complicated to sum up in one blog post.

Pookie's B'day

It's my baby girl's (#2) b'day! She is officially one year old!

My quote of the day

"A society is like a spectrum of colors and all citizens of any given nation represent different points of that spectrum. " SM

*funny enough inspired by someone who talked down on my friend that she as an individual/citizen of country xyz, she does not represent xyz. That triggered me.

"Express Freedom" she said...

A very close friend of mine asked me today "how would you express freedom in a word?", I said "liberation". I asked "how about you?", she said "destiny and justice".

I then thought and said "We are confined by rules and constrained by limitations that are placed upon us by lawmakers who choose to steal away our thoughts and true freedom".

Sounds too interesting to let it pass

Traveling and exploring new places and faces. Roaming from one continent to another, learning and appreciating other cultures and traditions. Anything related to Arts in general. FILM, Music, Good Coffee Shopes (yes Baristas are Artists lol), Reading, Writing, Walking around the house in my pajamas ;) Tete - a- tete conversation over Red Wine.

There's substance here. What am I to do? let is pass? not even try? ummm. Life is too short, everything is worth a shot, a try, an exploration... I love the song: se ela danca eu dancp by mc leozinho

Not obsessive at all

Just intrigued...

She likes Paolo Coehlo. I love that guy!

Ok. I'm going to stop mutilating or dissecting the profile.

I just surrender :-)

Movies too!

Ok, the movies we have in common when compared to N's listing are as follows:

All about my mother - Enemy of the State - The English Patient - E.T. (childhood addiction) - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Fargo - Ghost - The Hours - The Message - Silence of the Lambs - 21 Grams (totally loved) - The Usual Suspects.

I suppose we will do just fine watching movies together too :-) because most of the people I watched movies with were either into Horror or Action. Neither interest me much.

memento

...something about the way the state of my mind has been is now beginning to remind me of that movie memento. I'm a bit worried. Whatever it may be, I hope it's reversible.

The Da Vinci Code

I know I missed out on many little bits of information that would have completed the piece for me had I read the novel before watching this movie. It's heavy, it's thought provoking and it's also what's selling. It's history, religion and art in a contemporary setting.

Church traditions, corruption in the Catholic Church, heads of secret societies, abusing and brainwashing the weak with religion to commit sins, the human desire to capture the truth of religion and events, post modernism questioning with emotions and opening to the idea of wild conspiracy theories.

I thoroughly enjoyed the concept of symbology and cryptology and the encoding of Da Vinci's paintings particularly Mona Lisa and the Last Supper. I found the decryption of the Last Supper very visually provoking during one of the scenes in the movie. The questioning of Jesus being the divine or just being man like any other. The relationship of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.

Is every faith in the world based on human fabrication? the history, the authority, the validity, the nature, the claims, the understanding, the relationships, the theories... are endless. Was Mary Magdalene the wife of Jesus? do these questions mean anything? did Brown just selectively pick different things, misrepresent them, hence, tortured christology? if the Catholic Church was accused of hiding the true gospels, does that mean that today's Bible is distorted? is there no historical merit? what can be trusted? are gospels just a myth?

Do we just follow whatever impedes our desires? are our communities disintegrating? is mankind deterioating and now self imprisoned from God's wisdom?

These movie got me thinking a lot. I need to watch it again. I loved it - mainly because it got me thinking about so many other things including the way I view religion.

10 million Qatari Rials for a GSM number?!

I'm in disbelief how people burn their blessings. The mobile number 666-6666 was sold in Qatar for approximately $3 million. I can't believe a humanbeing's shallowness could run so deep. It's funny how some people spend money they need not spend and impress people they hate. How sad!

Finally defeated...!

A woman @ work has been bullying people for years ever since she joined the company. Nobody filed a complaint against her because she was the only ass licker to her director and he was her armor.

Well, things changed, director was replaced and I filed a complaint against her last week - only because she messed with me on 3 different incidents and the 3rd time she did, that just broke the last straw on the camel's back. Anyhow, I'm in the best mood ever because the current director confronted her on all counts I made against her. She was very upset, got all defensive etc but the truth, everyone knows it no matter what you deny and how you defend yourself.

I hope what I did is a good thing for her in the long run. Maybe she will come to her senses and appreciate that her job is to be good to everyone since she is a support function. Perhaps, this complaint will aid her to fix her pitiable belligerent attitude at work. Enough said - I'm quite happy!

Dialogue with an Algerian who attacked a Moroccon

Two Algerian women tried repeating history with a Moroccon woman. So, I asked the Algerian woman "How would you feel if I started to criticize Algeria? What's the point of criticizing people's countries? How would you like it if I asked how come all the big/bloody/messy non stop massacres in Algeria never got on TV? burning people alive, mass rapes, slow painful dirty deaths etc.. hundreds of thousands killed in the last decade if not more. Is it not on the news because it's so dangerous? aren't all who get killed Arabs? are they hated? Would it be fair for me to assume that all Algerians are violent/barbaric? No, I can't be that ignorant. I can't discredit the fact that every Algerian I meet/befriend does help me form an opinion of them as a person and as an Algerian. Every single individual (Algerian) REPRESENTS Algeria just like I'm an Arab representing Arabia".

I continued: "I know you're Algerian, I know you don't represent your government unless you openly support their decisions and I know you don't represent every Algerian or an Islamist who committed atrocities but nevertheless, you do represent an individual from Algeria just as important as any other individual. That's the point I am making. A society is like a spectrum and all citizens of any given nation represent different points of that spectrum. And yes not all Algerians are Arabs - again I know that because I have befriended Algerians years ago and they identified themselves as Berbers. My point is, I wouldn't have a stab at you because of the massacres, the government or the Islamists etc just because you're Algerian and I also wouldn't discount the fact that you as an individual is entitled to represent Algeria in the light you choose to whether being a strong woman, independent, modest muslim or whatever it is and the fact that you're proud to be an Algerian. The massacres or the corruption and the barbarism doesn't mean it includes you too. I hope I've made myself clear".

Silence was followed by it...

Fruity Friday or Friday Blues?

Been home alone this weekend. I've decided to declare that Fridays are my least favorite day of the week.

inspired today...

Dear Allah:

When you give me wealth, don’t take away my joy
When you give me power, don’t take away my intelligence
When you give me success, don’t take away my modesty
When you give me a lover, don’t take away my dignity

Don’t allow me to be arrogant if I succeed nor break-down if I fail
Remind me that failings come before successes
Teach me that forgiveness it the ultimate form of strength
And that love for vengeance is the worshipping of weaknesses

If I lose my wealth, give me health and nothing more
If I lose my victory, give me hope to conquer my failings
If I lose the blessing of health, then give me the blessing of faith

If I do people wrong, give me courage to express regret and apologize
If people do me wrong, give me the power to bear mercy and forgive

Teach me to love others the way I love myself
Teach me to judge myself the way I judge others

Help me say the truth in difficult times
For being weak is a strength in itself
Help me not do people wrong in cruel times
For being weak will make others stronger

*written after being inspired while reading an arabic paper

Traffic emotions out of control!

Current mood: angry

I can't understand the hostile and dangerous drivers on the road. Driving has not only become a daily health risk (stress to serious injuries) but a tragedy! Let's keep aside the dangerous speeding, illegal u-turns, not signaling when changing lanes, going through red lights, honking to protest, shining bright lights and what not...

I'm talking about drivers following very close side by side or cutting you off, the name-calling, swearing, yelling, making insulting gestures, psychoticly tailgating dangerously or braking suddenly to punish? I can't believe how people sometimes use their car as a weapon to attack!

Another human emotional/social/mental disease for psychotherapists to generate some income.

Syriana

A multi-analogous story line in one. It's not entertainment material, it's thought provoking displaying the geopolitical decisions America makes to boost their economy and to drive their wealth and power to the heavens. The movie would be a bit disordered for an average viewer who is into conventional movies. This is no hollywood material, it is real and valid material with very subtle yet crafty political statements that would be very clear to those who have some knowledge of current world politics.

The lies that are primed, the greed it feeds on, 'you are either with us or you die' attitude, the victory of corruption, the power of deceitfulness and how it fueled on cruelty, the cost of lives, the fact that Americans aren't as simple or stupid or dumb as people may think. They are super power for a reason.














Flaws: they could have managed better with the poor arabic accents of some of the actors (evidently some were not arabic speakers at all). The length of the movie could have been a little shorter. Some parts of the movie was not Lebanon when it was meant to be so, the dialects were really off too at times. This is just a thought on how it could have been handled with perfection, nevertheless, these minor flaws doesn't discredit the backbone and concept of the movie itself. Well made with perfect dialogues and the script as a whole was something else. To many, it would be Anti-American. It's just dirty greed and corruption by some individuals who regrettably display a shameful face to the US public.

On a more positive note, it's a good wake up call for those Americans who are sleeping. I think it's only fair for the Americans to know what their country is doing. It's important not to ignore the series of events in history of the oil world, the US and the Gulf. It's quite scary how so many patriotic Americans pay a big price for Americans to continue living in peace. I felt so sick in my stomach at how the fatcat oil mongers play their filthy games to be larger than what they already are through greed, corruption and even assassination if must be.

Giving Up

I feel very tired and sad. I feel drained and useless. I feel like I just want to give up and get some time out. I want time alone. I want time to reflect in clarity. I want to be here now.

Peculiar news

A 27 yr old lebanese who is a breadwinner in the family was arrested in Dubai for taking a 'headache pill' that his friend gave him. That pill supposedly contained drugs and he had to face the consequences. Is that ridiculous or what?

.. now I wish I was in an Austrian toilet. Apparently 22,000 euros were found atop of an austrian toilet!!! I wish I was there to find it so I can have a long vacation.

or check this out, a Bahraini man fainted after cathing his wife red-handed in bed having sex with her 'brother'. She told him he was her brother and he lived with them for 9 years but really, he was her lover and the father of 4 of their children. His only child was the first one when the lover 'brother' was not around. I can't believe she played that off for 9 yrs! Since the woman was Asian, I'm surprised he didn't notice that 4 out of 5 of his kids were actually not his! What a performance huh? a stupid husband, a slutty wife and a poofy lover.

Aaah... the civilized world

An 8 yr old Iranian boy was caught stealing bread. In the name of Islam, he is going to be punished, his arm to be crushed by a car. Is this a religion of peace and love?

Plead people to stop fighting in the name of religion. To stop doing such deeds, and then justifying them in the name of religion... No religion has ever justified such heneous crime and Islam has no place in this act.

Moving Video clip of Pictures

http://nobravery.cf.huffingtonpost.com/

War in Iraq.
Fathers stripped away without a trace, mothers beaten with antagonism, children killed with no mercy and A nation that has been stripped from it's dignity and pride, blinded with blood and dust. God help them InshaAllah.

Excessive Ego Disorder or severe inferiority Complex?

Rudeness and aggressive behaviour at work... umm, is it the only way to keep your self-esteem intact by disrespecting your supervisor's constructive well communicated instructions?

Why can't one just surrender their ego @ work? Why the aggressive behaviour? or the extreme passiveness that my instructions are ignored? Losing absolute control over invalid angry feelings when I've made myself clear that I want to follow company procedures. The hothead poof needs to get his act together because I'm not certified to help people with ego or inferiority complex. This little poof can poison a whole office. Everyone who has interacted with him on a work level has issues with him so it's certainly not me who has the problem. He should either shape up or LEAVE! His standard feature is 'go fuck yourself'. As for the chick, she's just a royal pain in the ass who does NOTHING I ask her to do. Is she going to drop dead just because I've added one more task to her goals and objectives which is to spare a day every 3 months to prepare some charts.

They're certainly not rocket scientists and it's so fuckin sad that they may think I'm an elitist snob because they're at a lower job group. Did they forget that I'm a lot more experienced than them? Seriously, the office would be far better off without such individuals. I don't believe a company is responsible to retain such individuals because they're simply not worth saving. They should be working with animals, like umm washing dogs at the vet's clinic, at least that way, no human is going to complain and I hope if the dog is upset, he will just bark and bite.

I aint lowering my expectations. Oh no!