Marriage Obsession

This obsession needs to first subside. Maybe then, women in particular will re-consider marriage. The thought of marriage based off isolation ticks me off. I am more than just a female body. I am more than just a complete woman. A man does not complete a woman. He can only compliment her provided (he can!).

Generation x, people like us, many of us have our lives together, not in desperation for anything at a material level. Even if we are, we much rather struggle and make it on our two feet. We seek to only settle when we find our connection. There is far more to life than hanging around with someone we cannot connect with. It is daunting to me to ever consider attaching my body to the opposite sex as a way to display myself to society. Who is society, why do we need to fulfill their basic expectation (of being married)? We are not living in the dark ages. We are not fulfilled by that title (Mrs!), more so, than the connection itself. I think as women, the more together we are, the more we respect ourselves, which also translates that we love ourselves, while ultimately means, we seek some in the form of growth and self-realization.

We are beyond what society thinks of us. Women who care too much about the marital status are at heightened levels of insecurity. Why care what society thinks? what do they give us? other than headaches of course.

Parents are not always right

and parents wonder why some children are just full of rage... instead of taking the time to understand and respect children, some twisted parents expect respect despite disrespecting their kids... so sad. The video will speak for itself... we need to listen to children when they want to speak, and we need to hear them when we let them speak. This was way too intense for me.

http://www.whoisthemonkey.com/videos/23/son-slaps-mom-on-dr-phil

This definitely happens in our part of the world too. Lack of love and excessive love are both detrimental to a child's growth. Both result in either resentment or disrespect. Negligence, shouting etc are perceived as lack of love. I guess you would ask, what is excessive love? I'd say over-controlling, over-giving, talking more and listening less. That's negative love that results in negative consequences In the middle east, a lot of parents have this strong tendency to dismiss their children's thoughts, their ideas, their ambitions because they feel they know what is best for their child. In today's generation, this is defined as "disrespect" from the child's view. Parents can't even recognize their anger, and sometimes they do not even appreciate their feelings about who they really are or who they want to be or how they want to live their lives. In today's generation, they might as well not exist, and such parents should stop procreating, and instead, build a robot to their specifications. That way, the robot has no heart nor moods and will not rebel.

Parents in the Middle East actually believe they know it all, actually believe that children are their property, and actually believe they can mold them as they wish (believing they know what's best). This kind of love is paralyzing; some become resentful, some have no identity or the child just turns into a complete rebel.

I don't know much about kids in the US but I've seen and grew up with many in the Middle East, and that's my observation. There's an arabic saying that the mother loved her child so much that while she held the baby so tight; it suffocated and died. There's great wisdom in that saying. Time is changing and children are not the same like our generation. Life is a lot more complex, a lot more challenging, a lot of meltdowns around us, it doesn't get easier (not materialistically, or mentally or spiritually). With technology innovations, everything has changed and continues to change rapidly. There's a mass accessibility to infinite resources. The younger generation explore and learn many dimensions of life that wasn't available to us or our previous generations. They are growing at an age of innocence. We cannot undermine our future children. We cannot control them nor disrespect them.

Why worry before the worry worries you?

People need to realise that there it is absolutely pointless speculating or making false assumptions of their health when the symptoms are not consistent or directing at a particular diagnosis. They only fuel the pain they are suffering of with empty worries, which in turn, affects their state of mind. The state of mind has a lot of power over our body. It tells our body to get better, to get worse, to fail, or to die. We have some control over it by being prepared to get better or worse. We have so much influence over our bodies and of course other times, it completely fails us but why waste your time worrying and panicking?

Lost in Absence

It reached a point where I was actually seeing my brother laying next to me, walking around me, knocking on my windows, opening my doors, moving my things around. I know, you'd think I'm crazy and maybe I was delusional but it was my reality, and at one point, I was so freaked out. I started crying because I felt like I was hurting my brother by being afraid when I should welcome his presence but I was too vulnerable I suppose.

One night, I was praying non-stop like a lunatic and asking him to forgive me; begging for his forgiveness but I cannot handle seeing him now. Maybe I would be ok and it would be easier if he talks to me and I can hug him but clearly that's not the case. I'd just find him laying next to me, with his eyes closed; the same old peaceful face he had when I'd walk into his room to wake him up.

I weeped one night that I couldn't handle it and his presence completely vanished for a few weeks. I didn't stop though what I was doing. I would and still do talk to him every morning and every night, I kiss his picture every morning and every night. His picture, that smile, it's always there. I started dreaming of him when I was talking to his picture one night that I miss him so much and wish I could see him in my dreams again and that's when he started visiting me again in different ways. He came back so strongly, so immediately. A couple of times, he was merely a 10 year old but I still maintained my current age. He knows how he's always been my weakness and at that age, he was honestly the most gorgeous boy alive.

Gosh, I miss him so much. Every time I say it to myself, tears run down my face, my eyes become sore, my mouth goes dry, my nose turns red, and then my stomach turns at the thought of coming back home and really hitting another level of reality that he really isn't there anymore. I just feel so incomplete without him. I loved him so much, but really, I look back, and wonder if I loved anyone as much as I loved him. There was only a two year gap, and as a matter of fact, many times, I felt he was a lot more mature than me, but also, a much better humanbeing than me. It's not even comparable. That would be insulting. He taught me a lot about not judging people, to heighten my levels of forgiveness, and so on.

I feel like I got cut in half with his departure. It doesnt matter how much I talk and talk and talk. I'm so lonely and really, this loneliness will never go away because he's not coming back. I see his name and number on my phone, his email in my contact list, and it's so difficult to delete them or to believe that I can never write to him again, that I'll never hear from him again. Every email or text message from him would totally excite me with sheer joy. He really was a man of substance. Every word he gave up, he gave it up with love.

Time

You can't steal my time; time is in God's hands , and we can only embrace it with others; those we love, those we cherish, those we appreciate, those who lift us up, those who need us, those we serve, and even strangers who cross our paths.

Our journey is full of surprises; some in the form of suffering, and other times in the form of temporary joy. When it gets bad, nothing makes sense, but there's a lesson in everything, even those horrible ones... the only question residing and resounding in our heads is "why? why why why?". I don't have answers but I feed myself with hope and I will not use any cliches such as "there's light at the end of the tunnel" unless it means there's light after death, then yes, I'm all for it.