a ramble

I can't stop thinking today nor can I stop typing.. that's what I love about this space.. being the annonymous me, the masquerader and voicing my thoughts through simple text.

What a delightful feeling! No name, no face, no expression except my very thoughts!I'm in such a mellow mood...tab'billy shwayeh...sing us a song you.. the piano man!me.. just the mellow girl..somewhere between cheezy, loungy, groovy, jazzy..did that genius just deplete all adjectives for mellow?
can his words woo me into a web? is he sparing me that?

If I fall into his web, will he mentally pull my mind towards him.. a little pull from his words and then I will be into deep.. then I may be knocking on his door.. dont do that please, just wrap your words, hide them and then use them..easy huh?

is he a conqueror? or just someone who can express himself well?
does his transparency show through? is it just passion? no conquest of any kind...!
his words washing the windows to their houses and they look outside and there he is.. naked like the truth.. feeling feeling feeling..It's so strange how thoughts from no where come when I listen to a song in a language I don't even understand. Listening to Christina Aguilera's song called El Baso Del Final. Movement of a few strings on a guitar, a bit of base, a bit of light drum beats and it takes my mind to place.

Feelings..but then even feelings are a state of mind and poooof reality check. I sometimes try to figure out the difference between my reality and the real. Do we all eventually seek for something deep and meaningful? well excluding the shallow superficial people. I suppose some people dont give this the time of the day.

I seek for depth whether it's something I read or watch on tv or a discussion with a friend or when I look at a stranger or even when I look at the aging lines of an old man. My new resolution: to speak my mind, tell what people what I really think and feel, if it's something not nice then why waste my time and breath when I can make better use of my time unless of course, I am making a difference; to better someone.

I just sometimes think I don't have enough time in my life... to do the things I want to do, to tell people the things I want them to know, to share a bit of me with the world, to spread the seeds of my kindness and make a difference in people's lives no matter how small and invisible it may be to the outside world.Back to him.. what is he about? why after 3 years he tells me I have a very strong presence.. telling me "remember when I first saw you I trembled like a bantalone manshour 3a 7abl el ghaseel".

He was hyperventilating and I asked him to stop and breathe. Then he tells me online "I meant to just mention the presence aspect of your character that I like, even on the net".Ok, not sure where all this is coming from.. maybe it's just the song.. maybe this is all just a fantasy!

Digital Suicide

No idea why I took this picture but one thing came to mind "digital suicide".What does one see?hand of a left hand, joints, fingers, flesh, nails, blood circulating, stern, a ring, lamp in the background, bare wall..

It is indeed a living hand, warm, capable, it can grasp, feel, touch and all...

Refreshing an old memory..

Ok, so I left Oman end of August '04 to work in Washington D.C. for a while.

I decided to revisit a place my friends and I used to go to at night and many times I enjoyed this place by myself. We would drive through this small tunnel in the dark, switch off the headlights of the car and scream as we drive through it. We'd see bats in there which was pretty creepy but the thrill was an adrenaline fizz.

This time, I didn't do that but I went there one late afternoon and decided to take a picture before I say goodbye to D.C.

I just love it. Very serene.

Life's Journey

In this life, before we die, just before the final destination, what really matters is the quality of our journey. It's not important to know where are we going, how are we going to get there because with no holds barred, nobody really ever knows what's really going on.

Back to the journey, you see, it's all about applying your treasured asset; your time to what is most meaningful to you. It's more about what you give in than what you get out of it. It's not about the destination as much as it is about having the right spirit in your journey. It is about having passion, not just a drive. If you feel you are compelled to do it, you know, like an obligation then no matter what you achieve, it will never be the same like having a sense of connection with the things you've done which define you.

Goals are naturally designed to be risky. Why? Because a goal is born to be indefinable and difficult that we might not ever reach it, but it's realizable with determination. Questions are; what are you doing here? what are you doing now? think about how you're applying your time this very second.

We may never reach our destination but be sure that the journey is worth making. Enduring fulfillment only comes when you feel you have contributed substantially to your own sense of satisfaction and to the welfare of those around you. Every beginning has an end and instead of being so focused on little things around us, sometimes, all it takes is to listen to other people's stories. With such distractions, we forget about our "destination". No more concerns about where we're heading anymore because there's only space for our thoughts to collect with comfort along the way.

My wish list is at least about 10 miles long. I execute one wish at a time. Perhaps even a lifetime of 5 great people may not complete my wish-list but it's a list that keeps me passionate about life. I will never look back and ask myself what I didn't execute; will look at what I've executed. I usually execute the hard ones first because I enjoy the battle within myself, it does not matter who defeats the other because I'm always a winner in my heart.

Yes, we struggle, we try to fight, we get weak, we get strong but hey, the journey is so worth it. \nThe problem with my generation and the ones after, our life is moving faster, we are so hurried to do this and that and little do we realize that we are so unprepared for anything. One can't expect to just unroll the map of glory. Life is all about exploration; you can't plan, be ready or know what to do when the uncertainties come your way.

It's all about being perceptive, understanding and wise when you have to unravel the events in your life and introduce fresh beginnings with improved endings. Nothing really ends until you end.

Perfect Meditation

Just one of those days when I'm feeling ever so nostalgic. Not sure exactly what I'm longing for. I suppose it's a combination of many things; missing the warmth of my home country, my family and friends....

My love to all of them...