Confusion
Confusion is my permanent state of mind, like a difficult jigsaw puzzle with a few missing pieces and you know what, it doesn't bother me that much because who really decides what's normal, acceptable and what isn't? I'd never under estimate how confused people around us are and many times, they are the cause of our confusion. Very normal people are contradictory, oblivious to our feelings or darn right rude. Sometimes we are amused and other times confused.
At the end of the day, what really matters is what your perceptions are - not what others see or feel because quite simply you don't feel what they feel, you feel what you feel.
A woman came into my life when I least expected it, she pointed out every flaw/problem/issue I displayed without realizing that I did that and she said to me 'the solutions are there, I'm not going to help you, when you make those changes, come back to me'. I would argue with her, accuse her of being judgmental, harsh and insensitive. Now, I look back and I see the pride in her eyes, the joy in her voice because she had a very positive impact just by pointing out a few things and of course hearing me out. Remember, you said your good deeds are just a payback - well same here really. She lost her job, her visa was invalidated, had to leave San Francisco, from a great paying job to bankruptcy, moved to another country, got robbed, got into an abusive relationship, failed at starting up her own business, got sick one day and called 911 and next thing, she found herself at a mental institute, nobody visited her or knew about her whereabouts. This woman never believed in owning a cell phone but she bought one when she was admitted and of all people in the world, she called me and You know what? I didn't do anything. I just picked up her call and talked to her like I always did without making her feel crazy although deep down, I knew she was at the very bottom of depression and was very confused. One year later, she calls me and tells me that all it took for her sanity to come back was to talk to someone and say all the crap she was saying. She doesn't stop thanking me and little does she know that this is the very least I could do because the crazy confused person is the one who changed my life in many ways. So see, confused people can help one another. One thing she advised me is to blurt out what I'm feeling instead of trying to fight the incoherence of my thoughts, even if it doesn't make sense, at a later point, it's so easy to put the pieces together.
...rambling away in silence now....
At the end of the day, what really matters is what your perceptions are - not what others see or feel because quite simply you don't feel what they feel, you feel what you feel.
A woman came into my life when I least expected it, she pointed out every flaw/problem/issue I displayed without realizing that I did that and she said to me 'the solutions are there, I'm not going to help you, when you make those changes, come back to me'. I would argue with her, accuse her of being judgmental, harsh and insensitive. Now, I look back and I see the pride in her eyes, the joy in her voice because she had a very positive impact just by pointing out a few things and of course hearing me out. Remember, you said your good deeds are just a payback - well same here really. She lost her job, her visa was invalidated, had to leave San Francisco, from a great paying job to bankruptcy, moved to another country, got robbed, got into an abusive relationship, failed at starting up her own business, got sick one day and called 911 and next thing, she found herself at a mental institute, nobody visited her or knew about her whereabouts. This woman never believed in owning a cell phone but she bought one when she was admitted and of all people in the world, she called me and You know what? I didn't do anything. I just picked up her call and talked to her like I always did without making her feel crazy although deep down, I knew she was at the very bottom of depression and was very confused. One year later, she calls me and tells me that all it took for her sanity to come back was to talk to someone and say all the crap she was saying. She doesn't stop thanking me and little does she know that this is the very least I could do because the crazy confused person is the one who changed my life in many ways. So see, confused people can help one another. One thing she advised me is to blurt out what I'm feeling instead of trying to fight the incoherence of my thoughts, even if it doesn't make sense, at a later point, it's so easy to put the pieces together.
...rambling away in silence now....
posted by Color at 10:05 PM
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