We were not prepared to Say Goodbye...

....it was sad, shocking and totally unexpected...at least to me...it was very painful to swallow the news of her passing away. The void I witnessed on my sis-in-law's face was unbearable too. I've never seen her this way, like a 5 yr old helpless baby girl who has gone missing in a shopping mall and crying that her mommy is gone. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a mother, a guardian angel, a daily advisor, the lady who has raised children with an abundance of love, care, tenderness and priceless upbringing.

My heart still aches for her early departure. I can't face my sis-in-law because I know what I will see. The void, the pain, the loss and the very poison of grief. The lump in my throat gets bigger and dries my mouth as if I swallowed splinters of wood until I feel like Im choking. I don't know how much of that I can handle without breaking in front of her. I can't afford to be that now, certainly don't want to be the weak one when she's the one who is meant to be adversely affected by the loss.

I hope our Allah gives her strength through this wave of grief that may take some time to settle... Allah ma3aha inshaAllah. I pray in my heart always.

I miss you Aunti Moza. I wish I had spent more time with you. I wish I visited you one more time. The last words I heard from you was 'I'm feeling better, pray for me please'. Your presence always had a calming effect on me and my family. Every word you uttered was uttered with Grace and love. May Allah bless your soul with the very best of everything. Im sure he will. Allah Kareem.